“When the heart speaks, the mind finds it indecent to object.” -
Milan Kundera, The Unbearable Lightness of Being
Love. We waited nearly five hours before the nurse came in to tell us that they were ready for my husband. Heart surgery. Up until this point in my life, and my life has been charmed, I had rarely faced a crisis that I couldn't handle or had to handle for that matter. Now, we were faced with the real unknown and suddenly, all of the things that we had ever argued about, fought about, and worried about didn't amount to a bag of beans. We kissed, a couple of times, and then I let him go. He was in the hands of a very "Zen-like" heart surgeon. My husband prides himself on being a good judge of character. We had to be right this time. I let the nurses take my husband away from me.
There I was, alone and wondering if my love would be enough . Is love ever enough?
The body tells all. As they wheeled him away, I couldn't help but think, "What does the heart really know?" I knew at that particular moment that my heart was breaking and fearful and already lonely. I knew that the heart is an unyielding, powerful organ, capable of forcing us to look at our past, feel our present, and push us towards our future. Our future. Our relationship was in the hands of an incredible medical team and I realized how little control we have with our lives. Talent, patience and competency would have to see my husband through...I hoped the heart knew enough to bring him back to me.
Up until this stage in my life, I was truly comfortable in my loneliness. I didn't meet my husband my 40's. Love meant living through my family and my friends. When I met my husband and we married, I realized that love meant something different. Love between a man and a woman, is more than love. It's the good with the bad. The beauty with the ugliness. The chaos and the peace.
The strength that I witnessed in my husband during and after the surgery was unparalleled. By 11 a.m. the following day, we were catching a taxi back to Grand Central for the train ride home. Remarkable. Tomorrow, we celebrate 16 years together. 11 of those in a "legal" marriage. We took a ten day vacation to Jamaica and exchanged our hand-written vows on the beach in front of a lovely reverend. When you are older, tradition goes out the window. You want something more personal.
Anniversaries are interesting. We have these expectations. We want to celebrate. Cards, gifts...blah blah blah. Marriage was terrifying for me. For the King, probably not so much. But I know this now, I know that marriages do not have to be perfect. They just have to work. My sister Jen told me that a long time ago. She was right. There is also a clear relationship between love and hate. We can love and we can hate on many different levels in a marriage. I believe the reason many marriages fail is because one or the other or both stop trying. They stop feeling. OR perhaps one or the other expected the other to change and well, truthfully, that's not why you get married. No one should get married in the hopes that one or the other will change. There is acceptance. There is a partnership. AND...one or the other will be making the compromises on any given moment.
We celebrate anniversaries because we know how difficult marriages can be. We celebrate marriages because we know that one will take turns giving more than the other and vice versa. 11 years ago I took a huge leap of faith, grew up and today, I look at my husband knowing that we have done our best. Tomorrow we get to honor each other, even when he leaves his boxers on the bathroom floor. Ok, ok, too much information...but I couldn't resist.
There I was, alone and wondering if my love would be enough . Is love ever enough?
The body tells all. As they wheeled him away, I couldn't help but think, "What does the heart really know?" I knew at that particular moment that my heart was breaking and fearful and already lonely. I knew that the heart is an unyielding, powerful organ, capable of forcing us to look at our past, feel our present, and push us towards our future. Our future. Our relationship was in the hands of an incredible medical team and I realized how little control we have with our lives. Talent, patience and competency would have to see my husband through...I hoped the heart knew enough to bring him back to me.
Up until this stage in my life, I was truly comfortable in my loneliness. I didn't meet my husband my 40's. Love meant living through my family and my friends. When I met my husband and we married, I realized that love meant something different. Love between a man and a woman, is more than love. It's the good with the bad. The beauty with the ugliness. The chaos and the peace.
The strength that I witnessed in my husband during and after the surgery was unparalleled. By 11 a.m. the following day, we were catching a taxi back to Grand Central for the train ride home. Remarkable. Tomorrow, we celebrate 16 years together. 11 of those in a "legal" marriage. We took a ten day vacation to Jamaica and exchanged our hand-written vows on the beach in front of a lovely reverend. When you are older, tradition goes out the window. You want something more personal.
Anniversaries are interesting. We have these expectations. We want to celebrate. Cards, gifts...blah blah blah. Marriage was terrifying for me. For the King, probably not so much. But I know this now, I know that marriages do not have to be perfect. They just have to work. My sister Jen told me that a long time ago. She was right. There is also a clear relationship between love and hate. We can love and we can hate on many different levels in a marriage. I believe the reason many marriages fail is because one or the other or both stop trying. They stop feeling. OR perhaps one or the other expected the other to change and well, truthfully, that's not why you get married. No one should get married in the hopes that one or the other will change. There is acceptance. There is a partnership. AND...one or the other will be making the compromises on any given moment.
We celebrate anniversaries because we know how difficult marriages can be. We celebrate marriages because we know that one will take turns giving more than the other and vice versa. 11 years ago I took a huge leap of faith, grew up and today, I look at my husband knowing that we have done our best. Tomorrow we get to honor each other, even when he leaves his boxers on the bathroom floor. Ok, ok, too much information...but I couldn't resist.
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