With a Conscience - "The Twinkie that almost wasn't"...

"Life is like a twinkie, we all want the fluffy golden outside but it's the cream filling that really matters." - Tom Brady

Ah my goodness!  What a wacky world we live in huh?  Who would have thought that our educated, techno-savvy society would be mourning and hoarding Hostess Twinkies.  What's more important than the fact that the recipe which will most likely be bought and absorbed by some other company, is the fact that it appears that now the "junk food" industry is also being effected by our struggling economy.  Here, we thought junk food would be left alone.  Banks, mortgage companies and the automobile industry would be no match for golden sponge cake with the almost non-biodegradable filling.  We were wrong.

Once again, people's jobs are going away after decades and decades of giving us the one thing that cures broken hearts, long all night study sessions and clogs our arteries.  It was only recently that we discovered that you can even deep fry them!  Was a Twinkie-macaroni and cheese casserole next?  Junk food, or should I say the politically correct term..."comfort food" is part of our American culture for decades so maybe, maybe like our spending habits and our immediate gratification for all things, is changing.  Maybe America needs to grow up.  Maybe these things that are happening or have happened within the past decade or two are not Armageddon or the second coming.  Perhaps we are just being told to change our ways.

Change is tough to accept and it's hard to do.  Nicotine withdrawal, alcohol withdrawal, weight management are huge health issues, STILL.  We spend beyond our means and find it difficult to save.  I think people were not as upset about Twinkies as they were about the loss of control they feel over their own lives.  We all know what this feels like because we're human and we enjoy freedom.  Modern society enjoys its freedom to do whatever we please, whenever we please and don't want to be told otherwise.  We encourage entitlement.  We know it and our children know it too.  But here's the question.  Are we entitled to the consequences that come with assuming that our employers will take care of us?  Are we entitled to the consequences that come with feeling well...entitled?  

What matters most is that we keep a system of checks and balances in our lives.   Life is balance.  We can't do the things we used to do and that is how it should be.  That is the natural progression of our existence.  When we fight nature, we suffer.  Twinkies were never natural.  They just made millions feel good even when their lives were far from fortuitous.  My DNA, I suspect is like so many others.  It's tough to let go of our "inner Twinkie" even when we are forced to and that's the usually the way it works for most of us.  We won't change until we have to or the laws of nature force us to evaluate where our priorities are.

Like nature, like human beings, I'm sure Twinkies will rise again.  Will they look different?  Will they taste different? Probably, but they will serve their purpose because they had a purpose.  Now doesn't also sound like human nature too?  When we have purpose, we have happiness.  We just have to remember to check in with ourselves from time to time and taste the filling of our soul. If the inside filling tastes good to us, we're doing the right thing.

With a Conscience - " Thanksgiving"

"If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, "thank you," that would suffice."  ~Meister Eckhart

I can't exactly remember when I forgot to be grateful for the gracious, wonderful things in my life.  Somehow, at some point, I let so many outside influences dictate my happiness, my peace of mind that years went by without showing any gratitude for the life I have led.  My life has moved so fast that it hardly seems possible that I had forgotten about gratitude.  

I thought I was a decent human being.  I thought I had my priorities straight and my life in order.  Marriage changed all of that but the one thing that I keep thinking about today, this morning in fact, is the issue of being gracious and thankful for so many things. The years of turkey and stuffing at the family dinner table never entered my mind.  So here is what I'm thankful for and hopefully my readers can identify with some of these observations.

• I'm thankful for shoes.  Yes, shoes.  Here's why.  Millions around the world don't have them.  My closet is filled with marvelous shoes that have defined my moods, my personality and my individuality.  Millions around the world don't know what that feels like. I am a brat.  That old saying "Walk a mile in my shoes"...well let me tell you, if we did that, we would all be much more compassionate and empathetic.
• I'm thankful for clothing.  Macy's, Kohl's, Walmart, J.C. Penney's, lower your prices even more!  People need to afford decent clothing.  Clothing defines who we are and what we project to the world.  I have to admit that I've been a complete brat about my love of clothes and now, all I think about is those people who can't afford to clothe their families.  I donate my clothing.  I donate a LOT of clothing, every year.
• I'm thankful for food.  I'm thankful for really, REALLY delicious food.  My family, my grandmother, my mother, my two sisters, well, we all cook.  Cooking and, eating, was and is the joy of our youth and our adult life.  It's where we all share our talents and our gratitude for being together.  It's always been that way, but it means more to me these days.   It means, we unite after not seeing each other and it means we pass the torch of our love and respect for each other.  Traditions are held with every home cooked meal and every celebration at the table.  I'm thankful for pizza too.  I'm sorry but I'm thankful for pizza.
• I'm thankful for family. I was born because my parents were committed.  It wasn't perfect for them but they knew where their priorities lived.  I'm thankful for the discipline that my mother and my father instilled in me. They knew I was never going to lead a conventional life but they tried.  I played by my rules but I always knew I was loved.  I'm thankful for their patience and their imperfections.  I'm thankful for their trust.  I'm thankful for my two sisters who are just so unbelievably talented and disciplined in so many various things and even though we are different, we really aren't.  We have the same connections that often scare me. I can't tell you how many times I've thought of one of them and suddenly, the phone rings or I call them and I hear, "Oh my, I was just thinking of you."  This has happened so many times that I embrace it.
• You knew this was coming.  I'm thankful for marriage.  I'm thankful for the ridiculous amount of patience marriage takes because it reminds each and every day that I need to walk my own truth and so does my husband.  As most couples find out, the days that are less than wonderful require even more patience and more gratitude.  They also require more love.  Your families give you unconditional love.  Your husband gives you love that is more intimate and more personal that it would be easy to be afraid and run away from it. We can fear that we will lose ourselves, our individuality but those are fears.  It doesn't have to be like that if we're happy with ourselves.   It also means that you really, REALLY love your husband so much in fact that you will go to Home Depot and Harbor Freight to get him the tool chest and pressure washer he REALLY, REALLY wants....But I digress...
• I'm thankful for my sense of humor.  I've lost my sense of humor so many times and that's not like me.  The days where I forget to laugh or crack a joke are dark days and not at all helpful when handling the situations that life gives us.  Sometimes humor has been a curse but for the most part, humor is the one saving grace we all have  Why some people don't use their sense of humor more is a mystery.  I will take laughter and tears together any day. This is life.  This is the ultimate balance we need to find if we are live with any kind of peace.  I'm also thankful for my hairdresser who covers my grays.  I'm thankful that I have a manicurist who gives me the best hand and shoulder massage that no matter what I've been through they seem to understand my pressure points.
• Finally, I'm thankful for all of my friendships and all of the experiences that have made me more flexible, more tolerant and more forgiving.  I'm thankful for the companionship and love that has been given to me two-fold all throughout my life and my life to come.  

Times are difficult for many.  No one gets a free ticket on life's train.  What I do hope is that the gratitude we give to ourselves and to others continues and that we all become more grateful as the years continue.  Bitterness and regret have no place in my Thanksgiving.  Gratitude saves us from ourselves.  

"With a Conscience" - I am better off than I was four years ago.

“Have the courage to say no. Have the courage to face the truth. Do the right thing because it is right. These are the magic keys to living your life with integrity.” - W. Clement Stone

 I am better off than I was four years ago but not because of a presidential election. The election is over and I know full well that many people are not happy with the outcome, although there are just as many people who are happy.  We should all be happy because we have the freedom to elect  our leaders and accept the outcome.  That's being an American.

I am better off than I was four years ago.  I'm better off than I was even ten years ago but not because of a presidential election.  I'm better off because well...I got real.  Call me a late bloomer.  Call me young at hear and naive.  Call me anything you want but it was roughly ten years ago that I got "real."

I realized that no one gets anywhere without working hard at something and having the passion and the work ethic to endure.  Presidential elections are not responsible for personal growth.  WE are responsible for personal growth and if we're not happy with the way our personal world has developed then we must change it.  Why am I better off? Here's why:

I know I'm not done by any stretch of the imagination.  I'm not done longing, wanting, desiring to build my life on my terms.  Is this simple?  Is this easy? No...no...no...no...NO it is not.  My world is based on trial and error.  It's based on falling flat on my face and picking myself up.  I get up.  I allow a certain amount of time to REALLY lick my wounds and then I move forward with my dreams, my passions and even more importantly, find the joy in all of it.

I will admit it.  I feel sorry for myself and others sometimes.  When I see people suffering I want to fix their pain.  When I see people suffering, I want to make them at least have one laugh or two.  Sometimes my sense of humor is appreciated.  Sometimes, I get it all wrong and it's not. Oooopps.

The best thing any of us can do is own our own decision-making and allow others to do the same.  It sounds cruel.  It sounds hard but that is the best gift anyone can be given.  The freedom to define their own life, on their terms and not enable them.  We should not "entitle" them either.  The best thing we can do is allow ourselves and anyone else the freedom to define their own set of values and let them develop them.  If they fail.  If we fail, then it's up to each of us to figure out how to problem solve.  Learning how to problem solve involves criticism and truth. 

 To move forward, to grow, we must lick our wounds and take the time to figure out for ourselves what we want, what we can live with and what we makes us happy.  Yes, happiness is important and it's important that although happiness isn't defined by "things" (Ok, so I love a new pair of shoes, or a new handbag...)  It is defined by the work we do to help the world function in a way that defies conventional-ism.  It is defined by what is genuinely in our hearts and in our minds.

I am better off these days because I pushed myself to see what I was capable of doing.  I am better off because I will never settle for anything less than the freedom to create, to work, to love.  If we value those things within ourselves, we can withstand any election, any setback and any wrong done to us.  It means that sometimes we will be weakened.  It means sometimes people won't like us or position themselves to hurt intentionally.  The success is in knowing who we are and what  we want and be able to verbalize it to anyone.  Communication is key and always will be the hardest part of success.  We don't like to have uncomfortable conversations but they have to happen. We will not learn anything otherwise.

Life is difficult.  Complacent behavior is deadly.  When we do our part and take advantage of what is literally right in front us, there is no loser.  We all win.

"With a Conscience" - Weathering Storms

"Be thou the rainbow in the storms of life. The evening beam that smiles the clouds away, and tints tomorrow with prophetic ray."  - Lord Byron

Hurricane Sandy came and went and left devastation along our precious East Coast.  

So much of New York and New Jersey are in ruins.  Places that I have personally shared so much happiness and joy with loved ones that it stops my breathing. But there's a bigger problem beyond hurricanes and 90 mile winds and it deals with nature, not of the weathering kind but of the human kind.

As the endless, endless, ENDLESS news coverage continued, I could only help but feel that the news was relishing all of their attention on the reporters themselves and paying less and less attention to the human spirit that was dwindling with each ocean wave.   Nature can be cruel. Human beings today are so removed from this fact that they get completely shocked when havoc ensues.  So why do human beings react with the same vengeance? The news was showing the devastation of the storm and the devastation of the human spirit too.  People with their tempers out of control.  Home owners fighting off random acts of pilfering, stealing.  Burglary.  Finally today, the news was showing the spirit of community.  We say random acts of kindness instead of random acts of cruelty.  

I can't help but wonder why when human beings are collectively in the same situation, some respond in kindness, others respond with anger, and irrationality.  Why is there stubbornness instead of selflessness?  Trust me on this one fact-There are plenty of us today saying, "Thank God it wasn't me this time!"  That is a completely human reaction except that this time, the effects were felt everywhere.  Witness, the gas lines here locally. People travelling over an hour or move for gas.  This effected us regardless of whether or not we had a seaside home or not. 

Let cooler heads prevail.  Let us reach out with our common sense and our compassion and understand that bad, bad, BAD things can happen to all of us.  If you live long enough, this rings true.  What matters is that we become problem solvers.  What matters is that we think of the human suffering that very well could be ours at any given time.  What we contribute, what we give outside of our own self-absorbed world, will have more impact than any storm will.

The press, I'm sure believes that they were providing a viable service to the public by broadcasting 24/7 on the perils and the destruction of the this storm. Perhaps there is some shred of truth to their efforts but for this New Yorker, I would have much rather seen them out there helping the elderly, the poor, those who had no one to go to for help, than reporting on some beach, almost getting wiped away...Ridiculous, useless and not at all informative. If the press really wanted to be helpful, they would have emphasized what our governors and mayors were saying all along..."Keep your cool.  Remain calm and work with us.  Relief is coming but it will not come overnight.  We will be there.  We will persevere.

As my husband was preparing the generator for the storm, he looked at me and said "I am getting this thing ready and we'll probably not even need the thing."  He was right.  We were spared...We were spared this time.  It could always, be us.  It could always be you.  Be ready.  Be kind and think of others.  This is our moment here in the East Coast to show how it can be done.  

Ok now...kids...You are allowed to wish for snow days.