For My Teacher Friends: "Another opening, another show..."

And so teacher friends, the year of 2020 keeps on giving now doesn't it?  Let's not mistake our situation.  Public education is going to change permanently as a result of this pandemic. As children are asked to stay home "temporarily, " parents are already looking for alternatives to sending their children into a public school system.  We watch the news and witness the many new alternatives that are surfacing and it is not just the pandemic that has caused these alternatives to become available.  In short, it has been a long time coming...

Public schools have not been "safe" for a long time.  The bullying, the abuse of social media, vaping, the active shooters that cause us each year to perform "lock down drills" where the rules and procedures change each year as more violence occurs.  Schools are not "immune" much as we all would like to think that they are.   Why are we pretending and vilifying the idea that they are? 

 As soon as the structure of the traditional family changed, so did raising our children.  It became acceptable to have both parents work.  It became acceptable to send our children to day care, followed by pre-school, followed by public schools.  We found out we could indeed have our children and still claim a level of worthiness by earning a paycheck.  It was our modern day evolution of the family that made this acceptable and now, because of a pandemic we are scrambling to adjust to these unprecedented changes.  Some absoutely refuse to do so.  Some are definitely suffering, reaching levels of anxiety that they were not prepared to handle.  

We may be tired of wearing masks and we may be saddened by social distancing.  For me, that has been heart-breaking.  But more importantly, for teachers, they can no longer do what they longed to do.  They can not get in front of their students the way they want to and the way they were trained. I am going out on a limb here to say that that is quite all right. Those teachers will thrive in spite of this situation that has no true appropriate solution,  will teach to the very best of their ability and re-step out of their comfort zones to reach their kids.  This is what we have always done.  The difference now...is parents have to be more actively vigilant and support the educational cause and teachers have to support their parents with patience,  perseverance, and a gentle honesty about following up on their children's progress and behavior.  Education of our young people succeeds when parents and teachers are on the same page.

The quagmire of the single parent becomes equally difficult.  Those parents must talk openly with their children and let them know that "failure is not an option."  Their behavior dictates everyone's else's behavior that their last name counts for something greater than they know...They represent their family, pandemic or no pandemic.  We all have a "last name" and that name should be honored by being responsible.  

In a matter days, "our kids" will sign on and look to us to communicate, to talk, to reach out and tell them that everything will be ok.  "We've got this."  "We know this."  Trust has never been more important.  I wish my teacher friends a fabulous year.  September brings cool air and a reprieve from the heat.  "We've got this.  We know this." 

"The Perfect Imperfection"

 "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." - Lao Tzu

Most of us know the very first time that we met someone and fell in love.  It was an instant, undeniably, powerful experience.  The moment when we met our future and knew that there was absolutely nothing we could do except follow our intuition and know to trust that intuition.  You can not ignore those moments of clarity.  The clarity disappears with wedding vows and sheer terror sets in until the rings are placed on our fingers.  Amazingly, the fear disappears and we suddenly know that love makes us brave.

Before 2003, I had my life pretty much figured out and was complacent.  There was my family, my friends, the gym, work and community theater.  I had things pretty much figured out and was content.  Life was intentionally quiet.  I ate what I wanted to eat.  I did whatever I felt like doing and the only one I had to think about was myself.  I was passive.  I let the world drift by and accepted that whatever anyone wanted to say or do was fine.  I was non-confrontational.  I avoided all confrontation.  I found out that when you get married, confrontation can not be avoided and you can not turn your back on it.  You have to look at it, face to face, and let the tension play itself out until a resolution or peace is found.  Marriage changed all of that.

The first thing I learned those first years of marriage is that it will not be perfect.  Never, ever, ever be perfect.  It will be peaceful and loving and cooperative and then you wake up one morning and the challenges start.  They begin and they manifest and grow.  The only thing you can do is accept the idea that nothing lasts forever.  Nothing is promised but love, love is the one variable that keeps us looking at the present...and the future.  The past, well, it defines our future behavior but it doesn't take away our resolve.  At least it shouldn't.

I have watched so many couples survive and thrive in my 59 years. I've watched couples break apart and say their goodbyes.  It all boils down to choice and frankly, whatever choice is made, cannot be wrong.  It can not be wrong because the need for partnership is just as important as independence and the freedom to pursue our dreams.  The courage to commit is equally as courageous as it is to leave.  The courage to be oneself in a relationship is equally as courageous and the occasional white lie often crops up to prevent us from hurting our partner.  Eventually though, trust becomes the deal breaker or the savior.  We do not always have to be honest but we do have to behave with an honest heart. 

My sis told me when I got married that a marriage does not have to be perfect.  It just has to work.  There are stretches where it is imperfect and the true test of whether the relationship will last.  When we give up, we give up the relationship.  When one stops trying, there is no rebound.  So then, why try?  

We try because if we do not, we have lied to ourselves.  We drank the "Kool-Aid" and clearly, we did not want to see the ramifications.  In most relationships, there is a sense of clear that occurs and both parties realize how much, or how little each means to the other.  Marriage is not for the lazy or the weak.  It is for those who believe that love is the only sustainable virtue.  It is not about money, or whether your husband picks up his dirty socks off of the bathroom floor.  Love means, staying by each other's side during the many pandemics that surface along the way.   In any relationship, becoming one's own advocate is the singularly most important thing that transpires between two people.  Even more importantly, we need to be advocates for our partners too.  

When we recognize the stupidity in arguing about inconsequential things, when we realize the that the most important thing we have is each other.  If that is not possible, then there is the alternative, painful as it can be.   There is a deep rooted love that I share with my husband.  I will never have that attachment with anyone else.  Having said that,  strength comes from not taking every single thing personally.  The trick is to always, ALWAYS, be personal.  The pandemic will end.  Love endures.  All of us should look forward to moving forward to another day.

"Living in a pandemical world and I am a pandemical...girl..."

 “You have to find a way to respect these new boundaries [related to coronavirus], but still live the version of life you’re used to. That’s what life is, regardless of circumstance.” - Caroline Wright

It's no surprise that we are witnessing so much turmoil on our streets.  In our pandemical world, even the most civilized are losing control because we are learning that nothing is guaranteed.  Nothing ever is.  But here is the comedy, in a time where we should be banding together and working together as past generations have during a crisis, few are wanting to make the sacrifices the rest of us are and it's these few that are causing our lack of community and our jeopardizing our health.  I do not understand their logic and I wish I did.  We all hate to feel as though we are losing control of the world around us but as I'm learning, we do not have control and never did.

We can put a great deal of importance of money and of course politics.  But those two anolmalies do not make for a great society.  Religion does not make a great society.  Understanding, kindness and a sense of community do.  I wish we were hearing more about that from our leaders instead of the usual rhetoric. 

In a pandemical world, everything from the past, at least to me, is just too damn superficial.  As long as appearances were made and everything looked peachy-keen on the outside, no one gave anyone a second thought.  Now, of course we must and should read between the lines because we simply do not know what someone else is experiencing or carrying with them. We are wearing physical and emotional masks. The anxiety that most Americans are feeling because of all of the uncertainity does not help our society make the appropriate decisions to move progress beyond the pandemical circumstances.  If we are doing everything we are supposed to be doing during this life-changing time, there are still no guarantess that our health will not be compromised.  But here's the thing...that's no excuse.  The education has to continue.  The science has to advance.

In this pandemical world, there has never been more of a need for creativity and ingenuity.  We need the tenacity and the brillance that put a man on the moon and developed the polio vaccine.  We need the bravery and the hard work of science to continue the hard core work necessary to get us to the other side.  Jonas Salk developed the polio vaccine.  Edward Jenner developed the Small pox and Cow Pox vaccination.  Maurice Hilleman is credited for developing over 40 vaccinations including measles, mumps, hepatitis A, hepatitis B, meningitis, pneumonia, Haemophilus influenzae bacteria, and rubella.  This is why the words of Dr. Anthony Fauci become so critical.  We need expertise.  We need to respect the knowledge coming forth from the science.  This is not politics.  This is for the common good of mankind and it is smart.

We need to take care of each other and we need to look past what "used to be" and focus on the "now."  If we can not apply basic common sense and care for the welfare of others, then we can not move forward and we can not find the peace of mind we are all so desperately looking for in this pandemical world.  We are losing our patience, our civility and in short, we are becoming stuck on stupid.  I happen to think we are so much better than that and I keep my hope alive that we will behave in the appropriate way.   We are seeing signs of compassion and we are seeing more signs of violence.  This is the result of fear, frustration and the acceptance that it is acceptable to do more harm than good.  We need to save ourselves.

In this pandemical world, I will continue to do the civilized thing and I will continue to do the right thing by those I love more than anything. I will not compromise and I will not be selfish.  Those mantras are the only mantras I can or will live with now...How about you?

"Speechless"

I take great pride in watching the news and other informational programs to keep abreast of the current conditions happening within our country.  There are less than 100 days left before our next presidential election and all I can do is pause, in fact..." I am speechless."  Now, those who know me well, will not be shocked by this admission or find it hard to believe, but I truly am.  I am speechless because if you read social media, everyone and their mother has something to say about the state our country.  Many have definitive answers or remedies for the the multiple issues that are obvious. What is also blatantly obvious to me is that this the single most important time to use common sense, rely on science and make decisions for the greater good.  We need to make our personal contributions and we need to participate in the most civilized way we can.  Anyone doing otherwise...leaves me speechless.

Fights over wearing masks during a pandemic? Speechless.  Watching major league sports open, then close, then open, then...Speechless. The challenge of opening schools at the risk of everyone's health...Speechless. Our cities under siege with violence and protest, both peaceful and not so peaceful, speechless and extremely scary.  The celebration and the significance of the burial of Congressman John Robert Lewis, moving, historical and even though speechless, should hopefully have made everyone pause and find their compassion and their kindness.  There is a huge significance to his story, his courage, his unrelentless strength to do the right thing.  He also insured the power of his last words to all of us.  Speechless and smart.  Very, very smart.  This is politics at its best. 

Watching parts of the country literally surging with Covid 19 each and every day...Yes, speechless.  What is even more remarkable? There is a push towards a vaccine and yet there is no guarantee that public education can take place the way it should. How?  Teachers are not being given any guarantees for their safety and well-being. Students are not being given any guarantees either.  Our kids should be warned in a very direct, succinct way that they are to abide by the safety parameters dictated by their schools and if they do not, they need to stay home.  I know, I know, but...Let the message be received.  This is not a joke.  This is not "fake."  It is real and you must treat the safety and the health of others as the single most important community action you will ever perform.  

The opposite action, is to NOT be speechless.  The opposite activisim is to speak out on any socially appauling injustice. We can protest, support the efforts that support the greater good.  When we are hurting others, we are hurting ourselves in the process.  History tells many stories where we witness many acts of courage and bravery which pushed our society forward into greater awareness.  There are countless examples throughout history.  Pick any one of them and emulate their character, their tenacity and their bravery.   

As 2020 progresses, it is difficult for me to be complacent.  It is becoming more and more difficult for me to accept that THIS is the best we can be. I am only one voice.  I am only one person and a teacher at that...my voice may be indeed minimized but I will forever remain NOT speechless.  Activism, social awareness and vigilence make for a civilized society. Collect your thoughts.  Write, walk in the streets, make your presence known in the way you feel is YOUR way.  VOTE in November. Look after yourself, your loved ones and have that social awareness that protects others.  

When I see common sense and civility become part of our routine, I will be officially speechless.

 

"August"

“August rain: the best of the summer gone, and the new fall not yet born. The odd uneven time.”
― Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

    When I was a child, I cannot say I was a huge fan of summer.  loved swimming and time at the lake or the beach but for myself, a slight chill in the air has always been refreshing.  The cooler air allowed me to feel more energetic and I could wear all of the wonderful sweaters my mother knitted for me as the fall season came and I waited patiently for the school bus to come each mornnig.  How I loved feeliing the briskness of the air.  August in our year of 2020 means that the precious few weeks left of summer are upon us and here I am, in 2020 wanting to feel "brisk" again.  But this August has a particular significance.  It is the August where we will all be forced again to reevaluate our behavior and our children's behavior as we face going back to  school.  

    The majority of students look forward to going back to school for so many reasons.  The social aspects, their teachers (hopefully) and for quite a few, it's a daily escape from their home situation.  This has all been written about many, many times.  However, this August has an anticipatory, feeling of dread, where so many factors are beyond our control and left to the common sense judgement, hopefully of parents, their children and of course, their teachers.  Unprecedented common sense and compassionate judgement towards others are needed.  It is a matter of life or death.  That very fact alone makes me feel unsettled and fearful.  See, I have much, much more that I want to do with my life and to put my hopes, my loved ones, and my world in peril seems just plain ridiculous when the solutions are so easy to do with the proper education and support.  I know for a fact that I am not alone in this.  Although, sometimes, it seems like it when we see so much happening in our immediate vicinity.

August.  I think about my grandmother, and my mother planting and harvesting their gardens.  There was always, ALWAYS, tremendous food on the table each night with plenty of discussion.  There were clambakes at the Whortekill Rod and Gun Club,  and picnics with my aunts, uncles and cousins.  No one felt isolated.  No one had to feel isolated unless they wanted to be.  In the midst of the heat, there was the anticipation of fall and in the fall, our world picked up its pace.  We knew what was expected and were reminded that our last names carried a certain responsibility once leaving the house.  There was a level of social awareness and the world changed due to the bravery and the courage of our communities.  The violence and the outrage we see today is a reminder that our society needs an adjustment in our treatment of others.  The world is changing and we cannot turn our backs to the very realities in front of us.  We must be better.  We must insist on "better." 

As August begins, September will surely follow and we must make the most of what we have.  There will be those in need of our help and we must teach, I say TEACH, our children the value of looking out for others.  We must remind them that their behavior effects their families and their communities.  They need to be told that positive behavior is what cures pandemics, not arrogance.  That a loving and social consciousness cures the social ills we witness, not ignorance.  I look forward to the cleansing chill in the air.