"With a Conscience" - " Education Nation"

                                            Education Nation?

"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." - Aristotle

Now here this! In roughly two weeks, I begin my 186 day descent  into the public school educational abyss and hope to come out with my dignity and mind in tact.  I'm sorry "public" but I've been a dedicated, hard-working, serious-minded professional in the field of education for six years and well, I can't make heads or tails of any of the decisions being made by our politicians.  None of them, NONE of them have ever taught in a classroom of 25 or more. This, THIS I find interesting considering educational policy is being dictated by these very policy makers.  When did education become political?  When did teachers become the enemy? The political rhetoric and negotiating that is happening behind closed doors is insulting to anyone who has gone into teaching for one reason...They wanted to help young people.  They wanted to make a difference.

As August is coming to a close, and school buses make their trial runs,  I am amazed by how many incredibly horrible news stories are being published on the internet about "teachers gone bad."  How timely.  Just when I've spent a couple hundred dollars on supplies, planned my curriculum and written my "Welcome Back" letter to parents about how important "kindness and respect" will be in my classroom. The public is then reminded of how many incompetent, horrible educators are working, causing irrevocable damage.  On another note, when was the life of a teacher ever presented with dignity and the respect it deserves on a television show or movie?  Yes, perhaps there are a few but not enough to keep the interest of the iPad, iPhone, X-Box generation.  

I spent over 20 years in the business world.  I worked without unions and survived solely by my morality and ethics.  I survived and kept an apartment and spent my money on used cars and an occasional manicure.  Then I met my husband and I was happy to revisit the life long dream of teaching, spending more than $36,000 on my masters degree and yes, I graduated with honors.  The universe opened up and I was hired as an academic intervention teacher for English language arts.  Another word for, "We're giving you every student with every variable on ability and well...here's a pencil. Tenure in three years. "  I worked hard. I dedicated myself to the kids in front of me...hungering for guidance, encouragement and faith..Things they were NOT getting in their homes.The last time I read an article on the subject of tenure, 50 per cent of those entering the field of education will drop out of teaching within the first five years.  If teaching was indeed the "cake-walk" job the public believes it is, then why do so many leave?  I was not going to leave.  It meant too much.  It still does.

Teaching is not for the weak of heart.  I work with strong personalities and now I understand how they got that way.  Teaching is not for the timid.  We are faced with the most incredible apathy and disrespect ever witnessed in decades and are expected, no less, to accommodate that behavior with understanding even when the behavior would make anyone's toes curl.  I'm 51 years old and when I was a kid in school,  I wouldn't have dreamed of speaking to any adult the way students speak to the adults at my job.  Education has to take place...respect has to be given and I don't see any of this being addressed by any politician, from New York State to Hawaii.  Teaching is a three way street.  It's parents, school teachers and administrators. We have to work together and set the boundaries.  That's right, I said boundaries. Our children, our students need them.  It's simply that simple.

We can stop the insanity by understanding and accepting that not all students will be academically focused and that they should be given alternatives so that they can support themselves and their future families.  Yes, I said families...It's quite easy getting pregnant and becoming parents but it's another to actually "parent" and expose children to all of the possibilities the world offers...and parents are the first line of defense in the appreciation of a good education. That might not mean a regents diploma or a college degree.  It might mean learning a trade.  It might mean furthering their education when they have the appropriate support and maturity.  Education occurs when one is ready to receive it.  It happened for me that way and I suspect it happens for most people that way as well.

By the way, summers off are NOT a luxury but an essential part of coping with the year long physical and emotional requirements of the job.  I can say this legitimately because I have spent a great part of my adult life working for companies outside of public education and the allotted two week vacation always seemed to be enough of a perk. For the teacher, those two months mean re-developing curriculum, workshops and additional jobs that pay college loans and maintain the teaching license. There is very little down time and teachers understand this however, what the public doesn't understand is that with every new school year, there are new personalities to contend with, work with and some of these personalities exhaust even the strongest of us.  Some devastate and sadden us too.

In just about two weeks, my colleagues and I will begin a new school year with our intentions pure and our hopes high that we will be successful in reaching our students and hopefully they will care enough about themselves to do their homework, study and actively participate in their own education. Every year, I hope that parents will support my efforts. It's never encouraging when you're looking at a class of 30 and less than half have done their assignment which you assigned five days ago in great detail, step by step. Staring into the sea of faces that have no explanation for their lack of effort except, "I didn't feel like it." 

In just about two weeks, my alarm will ring at 5:30 a.m. and at 7:50 a.m.,  I will be introduced to a new deluge of students. Some will have learning disabilities. Others will struggle because they slipped through the cracks and are simply a part of the current educational abyss that is trying so hard to educate everyone and the significant failures continue to chip away at all of us who want better for each and every student that is sent to us.

An "Education Nation" requires that we not accept politics and public policy from those who have never taken on the profession.  An "Education Nation" can only evolve if it's public understands that education is the HIGHEST priority and that education comes in many forms and not just from a text book.  An "Education Nation" means that education is a predictor of ability but not the end result. More options have to be given. Availability of technology needs to be improved.  It means encouraging creativity and critical thinking, not test taking. 

 Education comes in many forms and not just at a desk and chair.  We need to impress upon students the importance of empathy and concern for mankind and that begins and continues to develop at home.  The 42 minutes I have with a class may impact them for a brief moment but as soon as my students arrive home, the familiar takes over. Education means teaching students how to use technology and the internet responsibly and not to abuse others.  Careful monitoring and controls within the home are needed more today then ever before.

I had such respect and love for my teachers growing up.  Instead of a cell phone or iPod, I had pencils, pens and notebooks carefully organized and I learned how to take control of my learning by understanding that my education would make me a better person, not a cell phone.  Did I always succeed at school?  No.  No, I did not but I understood that failure was never an option for me.  To fail meant I had given up and we need to teach perseverance and patience to our young people.  We need to teach them that with failure comes more effort, more work and ultimately, we survive it all.

Lastly, an "Education Nation" gives its highest regard and importance to stirring curiosity and problem-solving.  It encourages questioning, discussion and perpetuates the very best in all of us.  it doesn't point fingers and ridicule or use education as a political punching bag.  I look forward to a new year in the classroom but I also know that I will be faced with student issues that I won't be able to solve and my accountability for those issues will count towards my "effectiveness."  I can only ask my students to understand that their efforts define them, not me.  I am only the channel they can travel...to get to the other side.

"With a Conscience" - "Coming Home"

                                        "Coming home"

"Time it was, and what a time it was, it was...A time of innocence, a time of confidences..." Simon and Garfunkel 

I had the opportunity to spend some very precious time with childhood friends recently.  All I kept thinking about was how extraordinary it was that we were finding each other again.  I never realized how emotional and life-changing it would be. I grew up with these wonderful people and knew them as children. We rode the bus together, learned together and played on the playground together. Today,  I find them startlingly profound and intelligent and yes, driven.   Familiar, comforting memories came to me as we talked well into the early morning, drinking chardonnay, on the deck of a quite spectacular house in the Adirondacks or having drinks, over-looking the Hudson. Everything old was newly discovered and no one was more surprised by this than me.  I remembered the familiar smells of home cooking, fresh air, laughter.

I was initially nervous about meeting up with my friends again. What would we have in common now?  Would we have anything to really talk about as adults? Would we even like each other as adults? Within a nanosecond, I realized how foolish I had been.  We were older, maybe slightly more judgmental (but we earned that thank you very much...) but we instantly found our love of conversation.  I realized that no one escapes hurts, disappointments, tragedies, loss. We talked about aging, our parents, relationships, the successful ones and the failures. My friends had become brave people...courageous people...with strong resolves and resiliency.
I was coming home and  filling the unknown holes that were in my heart.  

As we talked about our childhoods, our parents, families, and everything in-between,  it occurred to me that I would never be alone.  Friendships need to be nurtured and continued.  It doesn't matter how many years go or what hurdles we jump.  Life has a way of sending us those people who can comfort us, just at the exact moment that we need it.  They remind us that we offered more than we ever realized.  Childhood can be incredibly cruel.  We doubt ourselves, and our abilities.  The insecurities surface for all of us in our youth. We relocate and go in the direction that we feel is correct.  It's the ties we make that either get us through those difficult years or potentially destroy us.  Our youth defines our adulthood.  I was astounded by how much I had forgotten until my friends reminded me...our favorite classroom teachers, wonderful summers spent at the local lake or at the dinner table. Intimate discussions on the school bus...We felt safe.

This summer has taken me back to the warmth and love of those love me.  Not that childhood was perfect. Anyone who says theirs was is lying profusely.   The time I spent with these good, sweet people from my youth has empowered me.  I thank them for their warmth, love, encouragement and faith.  I am so anxious now to see how the next chapters of our lives evolve.    It can only get more interesting,  and more compelling.  These are not "old friends," these are heroes.  They reminded me that I was a carefree, innocent, loving, kind individual and this is why I've been so incredibly blessed to have them come back into my life.

"With a Conscience" - " Baseball, Hot dogs, Soggy Fries and Thou...."

                Baseball, Hot dogs, Soggy Fries and Thou....

"These old ballparks are like cathedrals in America. We don't have big old Gothic cathedrals like they do in Europe. But we got baseball parks." - Jimmy Buffet

I have no interest in sports for the most part...really, I mean, I have just never found them interesting except for the "Superbowl" and I think that's because I get to eat chicken wings and nachos and well cold beer.  Sorry...but when one sees the exorbitant salaries of most pro-athletes, and yet, we are still arguing about policeman, emergency medical technicians, nurses and teacher salaries...well I just can't go there.

Then a miracle happened. The Dutchess Stadium was up and running and there was actual baseball taking place and wow, they offered fireworks!  My sister, my husband, my nephew and my brother-in-law bought tickets. And thus, the fun really began.  The tickets were inexpensive...$7.50 a ticket or so but then...we saved up our calories for foot longs, Blue Moon beers with orange slices, soggy fries and well, all of a sudden, all of us, were in heaven. We stood and listened to the National Anthem.  We did the chicken dance. We banged on bleachers as the Renegades' pitcher pitched along with the sound of a locomotive engine sounding it's horn.  We made complete idiots out of ourselves and boy, did we so love each other.

The fireworks came afterwords and I remember kissing my soon to be husband passionately as the first fireworks started.  My sister looked at me with love and my brother in law, well, he was just ecstatic with the whole evening.  Boy did we laugh.

I don't think any of us cared who won that the first game.  It wasn't important and five to six years later, it still isn't. We go to the stadium, and well, we sweat, we eat all the wrong things and we laugh.  We have gone ever since, rain or shine and we meet at the stadium gate, hug each other, and well, we just feel the freedom.  We collectively, feel free to enjoy each other, warts and all,  and it's joyful.

When you go to the local baseball stadium, you see all kinds of people getting together with their loved ones and no one seems to care about anything other than having fun. It's just the way it is and how thankful we all have been, each year to go.

What started out as just a quick get together is now a tradition.    A family connection we all made quite by accident but which continues to bring us together, each summer, rain or shine, with  foot longs in hand, the chilled air, autumn and winter and further family reunions soon to come...

"With a Conscience" - " Despicable Me"

                                Despicable Me

"Experience does not err. Only your judgments err by expecting from her what is not in her power." - Leonardo da Vinci

I made a huge mistake today.  I rushed to judgement.  I assumed that a particular individual in my life, one who I am incredibly close to and love dearly, thought I was incapable of carrying out a specific task and I went nuts.  Ballistic.  As I was working out my anger and frustration on the treadmill, I started to see the clearer picture.  Why am I so anxious and eager to rush to judgement? 

Here's what I know.  Everyone, even those we love, have their own agenda.  They have very personal reasons for behaving the way they do and for doing things their way. For each individual, it makes sense to them, and them alone.  Their goals or ideas are not ours. Their motivations are not our motivations.  How I wish that human beings could have an automatic judgment meter that would prevent them from assuming or rushing to a belief that simply isn't accurate. Why then do we immediately believe that whatever the other person does or wants to do is a personal affront to the rest of us? 

We've all been there.  We've all had an occasion with a loved one where our agenda did not coincide with ours.  And I would bet that our rush to judgment caused a problem or two.  The challenge then is how can we remedy this?  How can we use our intuition and our common sense to create more substantial relationships with those we love? I don't have the answer but I do have the concern.  Perhaps that's a start.

Every time we make an assumption or feel as though someone we care about is misleading us or potentially making the wrong judgment, let's try talking about it.  Let's put fear of criticism and fear of confrontation aside and simply ask that person why they think what they think or want to do what they want to do? Why not work to understand rather than rush to judgment?  Sometimes taking some much deserved or needed space gives us this ability.  Sometimes remembering that is always about love that keeps our relationships secure and safe.  Safety being the most important part of the issue. For us to become completely fulfilled in all of our relationships, we have to feel safe in order to keep those relationships growing.  Sometimes we are successful.  Sometimes we're not but at least we've learned something in the process.  We've probably learned not to rush to judgement with that person again.  Hopefully...

The human condition and history reminds us time and time again that no one is perfect. We can not improve our relationships, grow in love, or develop inwardly if we are afraid of making mistakes.  We make judgments naturally.  It's part of our perceptive process.  However, I believe more and more that being judgmental can make us unhappy, frustrated and ruin some of our closest relationships.  We can agree to disagree with those we love.  We can be honest and express our truth.  We are not the Supreme Court.  We are not "Judge Judy."  We are capable of extending our understanding and our compassion.  That, that we can do very easily.

"With a Conscience" - "My house of cards "

                                                    My house of cards                     

                              "Cards are war, in disguise of a sport." - Charles Lamb


I don't remember exactly what age I was when my mother took out a deck of playing cards and taught me how to play the game "Gin Rummy."  But what I do remember was that playing cards with my mother was always exciting, if not gut-wrenching.  I may have been the apple of my family's eye but when it game to cards, all of us were on an equal footing.  You played by the rules or you lost.  A clear, very simple lesson for someone at the age of six or seven.

"I'll shuffle the cards and deal the hand," my mother would say emphatically.  I would watch her skillfully shuffle the cards, and deal our hands. The game began.  It was war.  Mom was always, ALWAYS a fierce competitor.  There were rules.  You followed them or you forfeited points.  If you lost, and in the beginning I almost always did, you weren't allowed to quit.  You were challenged to play again and again until well, you won a game.  "That's not fair! You won again Mom," I would cry.  "Yes, yes I did," she'd reply with no guilt. I didn't realize it at the time but she was teaching me that winning takes time.  You had to learn the rules of the game before you could figure out how to win. How I wish it hadn't taken so long to realize the value of that lesson.

We graduated from "Gin Rummy" to the game of "Hearts" to the biggest card game challenge of all..."Canasta."  "Canasta" requires four decks of cards and it has a graduated level of collecting different groups of cards before you can actually win.  From the moment all of us learned "Canasta" there were late, late hours of card playing, laughing, yelling, howling, the throwing of cards.  War.  There were nights where it was all out war. My father, sisters, boyfriends who would become husbands, cousins, aunts would place themselves around our kitchen table and prepare to do battle.  Take no prisoners, we all thought.  Beyond the card games, we talked.  We talked and talked and talked.  We discussed anything that was important in our lives.  We debated, we argued and most of all, we laughed.  Boy oh boy, did we laugh.

After my father passed, the card playing stopped.  Why I'm not sure.  I guess all of us realized that we needed to proceed with the next stages of our life.  And we did.  But the card playing stopped and none of us seemed to even notice how important those days at the kitchen table were.  The loss of a parent tends to promote important changes and so, Mom, my sisters and I progressed.

And then, last week as if by some divine intuition, my sister, my nephew and I sat down with our Mom to play "Canasta" once again.  Mom,  " The Queen of Canasta," had no recollection of having ever played the game.  We sat down and commenced to rehash the directions of the game.  Not just for her but for us.  We had forgotten how to play the game too! But within 20 minutes, the cards had been dealt and we were back on the field of battle.  The banter, the fierce competition came back to all of us. All of sudden, we were following the rules and then learning how to use strategies that went beyond the rules.  

Mom won.  She didn't remember ever playing with any of us but she won.  She won outright. I looked at her in shock because she didn't really comprehend how she won. But she won. I looked at her and for a moment saw the woman who took the time to sit down with me and teach me the lessons of winning and losing with a deck of cards. I saw the person who had focused all of her energies on raising her children and keeping our world in order.  

Shockingly, I've been told, many young people today are not familiar with a deck of cards.  How unfortunate for them.  If I could, I would make it a mandate that every family own a deck of cards and play those aces, kings, queens, and jacks and manipulate those deuces wild and use the rules of cards to learn the lessons of life.  Everyone should own a deck of cards.

"With a Conscience" - " Friendship"

                                           Friendship

 "It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I am sure that most of us have various definitions of the word "friendship."  Most of us are well aware of the value of those relationships we define as "friends." It's interesting that in this day and age of social networking, people are reconnecting with acquaintances or people that had some kind of relevance in their past. (Curiosity plays an important part in this...) Yet, they won't pick up the phone to get in contact with a true, viable, "in your face" friend. We get busy or side-tracked with personal obligations. We can go months without seeing some of our very nearest and dearest friends but when we do, it's as though no time has passed.  Why do we wait so long?

I realized last week, after entertaining two of the best friends I will ever have, that we could have literally never spoken to each other again had it not been for the pure joy of what we shared.  We've known each other for over 30 years now. Over time we learned to protect each other. We've seen each other through heart aches, marriages, child birth and the onset of menopause. Some of the world we were building was beautiful and at times, painful. There was a time when what we had could have disappeared because of a severe lack of communication.  Friendships, true friendships evolve, mostly because of the ability to say "I'm sorry."  I wonder how many broken relationship, could have survived had either party just said those two simple words.  

Everyone deserves to be "stupid" more than once in their lifetime.  It's character building and part of being human.  Friendships teach you how to forgive.  I used to pride myself on my passivity because I believed agreeing with everyone meant I was being a "good person," a "true friend."  Age has taught me otherwise.  Being a good friend means that sometimes the truth will hurt.  It can hurt more that we care to admit. My true friends tolerated my behavior because they knew I would eventually smarten up and I am completely, totally in their debt for that. They were always honest.

I have over 300 friends on my Facebook account.  They are part of the extensive experiences I've had in my life and even though some of them are newer acquaintances, I consider them part of the fabric of everything I hold dear.  Because of Facebook, I've also been able to meet up with the friends of my childhood and I'm beginning to realize that the bonds of childhood friendships are just as valuable today as they were in my youth.  Still, it's the phone call, occasional lunch or dinner that I absolutely love more than anything other contact.

As my two friends left last week, I was reminded of all those years, experiences, life-changing events that have shaped me.  We need the bonds that friendships give us.  Mark Twain has been quoted as saying, "Drag your thoughts away from your troubles... by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it."  The best friends we have, help us do that. 

Best friends tell you when that dress you're trying on "works" or doesn't.  Best friends either love your new hair style or hate it. We color our hair. We love wine.  Best friends either like your new boyfriend, or not...And if you marry, they pray that you have a long and happy life.  My good friends, like myself, have changed through the decades but it's our closeness that keeps us young.

To call someone a "friend" is an honor and a blessing and I hope that those who are reading this column know that they are cherished.  Now, about those phone calls...