"Dear Children of the Universe-Part Two"

 

Dear Children of the Universe,     

When I was younger, I dreaded New Year's Eve.  I did.  My world was an endless series of "un-events."  Nothing seemed memorable.  A sense of relief would then overcome me as the sun rose on a new year but for a very long time, every year seemed liked the last.  I wanted to be prettier, popular, TALLER.  Nothing sustained personal joy.  What I did not realize then was all of those emotions were more than normal.  In fact, if I could be a teenager again, I would change my focus from my own angst to being more courageous, fearless.  I would be more courageous.  I wouldn't talk myself out of doing the things, I knew I was destined to do.  

A new year is ahead and we all have a clean slate.  We can go further but only with a sense of bravery and of course, remembering to do the right thing by our health and those we love.  2020 has been the antithesis of what any of us have been accustomed to experiencing.  Your youth will be precious to you some day. Remember that. You were probably at times, wanting to feel isolated, and in 2020 you were given no choice but to isolate.  Isolation was a "call to action."  No one believed that the level of the pandemic would graduate to where it is.  The news was almost surreal.  You were asked to become more courageous and put other people first. You were asked to be masked in public.  You were asked to cover up the one true indicator of your emotions...your face.  The face tells all.  We can hide our emotions at will but in 2020 we hid as a matter of obligation.  I can not imagine being a teenager in 2020.  

I am here to tell you that if you can simply appreciate the efforts of your family, your guardians, then you can look forward to the world you will create as you age. Aging takes guts.  You may want to turn your back on your obligations.  You may want to escape your educational responsibiities.  Nothing makes sense to you right now and I am here to tell you, that there will be plenty that does not make sense as an adult either.  Yet you reach a point where you stop worrying about what other people thinks and find a way to build a life you can live with and if you are not happy, find the courage to change.  

Here's something else to ponder...not all of our plans work out the way we hope.   We need to be prepared for challenges.  Not every problem can be solved but most certainly can if you adhere to the idea of being patient and above all, communicate.  You may be wearing a mask but you still have a voice.  In fact, I have to remind myself of this on too many occasions.  We all have lapses in judgement.  We all try and fail and try again.  We must revel in the small successes as much as in the larger ones.  There are no "give backs."  There are no "half ways."  You are either committed or you are not.  It is all right either way but accept the decisions you make now and in the future.  

2021 is the time to reflect on the lessons you learned in 2020.  You can either be part of the progress in a new year or stay in the muck and mire of self-pity.   You can not live behind the mask forever.  Eventually you will breathe fresh air think of all of the ways 2020 has changed you,  I hope, or am hoping it will be for the better.  We desperately need your fresh energy, your creativity, and your compassion.  We are counting on you.

Happy New Year!

"Shades of Gray"

 

"But today there is no day or night
Today there is no dark or light
Today there is no black or white
Only shades of gray" 

-  The Monkees,  Songwriters -Barry Mann / Cynthia Weil

     A new year is fast approaching and the course of the current events continues to occupy my well-being and my day to day activities. I can not help but wonder about how this will continue to change our behaviors and our politics.  As I was walking today, it suddenly occured to me that the best defense any of us have is to be as honest with ourselves and others as we possibly can be.  The ties that bind us will be defined soon enough when the honesty takes precedence over fear.  We can not live in a world of black and white.  The gray areas are becoming more important than they ever have for our piece of mind.

     The gray areas can be defined as neither being right or wrong.  They simply are.  The gray areas require no judgement.  They can be discussed.  They can surface when we least expect them.  For instance...

• Agreeing with or disagreeing with someone's politics - "Gray area folks."  Although someone can change their political view, they rarely will unless the policies affect them personally .  We either accept someone's politics because we love them, or ignore their politics entirely and love them anyway.
•  Marriage - "Gray area."   I was a bridesmaid at least ten or more times by the time I met King.  Everyone I knew got married.  More than half of those marriages ended in divorce.  The others persevered and found the gray area in which to accept the differences that were blatantly apparent.  Either way, marriage or divorce is never easy on either party.  The gray area is often the key catalyst for survival.  Again, if we think the other party will change, they do not.  We shouldn't want them to either.  Change should be organic.  It happens because the person wants to change on their own. Whether a marriage survives or not, there will always be gray areas.  There will always be an area of gray.
• Regarding our health, I have found through the years that there are many gray areas and only through relentless questioning and second, third or even fourth opinions was a viable action and a reasonable conclusion about a health matter reached.  We also have to be very careful ionsabout what we do NOT feel.  Many health issues can be life-threatening and we won't feel a thing.  It is also true that we can not control everything that happens to us.  The passage of time makes us realize that the inevitable will happen, gray as it may be.  The gray area is different for each one of us and it depends on our shade of gray...the one we cultivate.
• Aging is an entirely gray matter.  Those trips to the hair dresser every eight to ten weeks remind me of the choices I make as I age.  I can only cover or hide so much.  My age is catching up with me and there is a comfort in understanding that I have the privilege of tolerating less, speaking out more and finding the patience to decide who deseves either one.
  

     Reflecting on all of the color that has been brought into my life, I can still appreciate the immensity and the vibrace of the colors I thankfully continue to witness. The stage lights of a theater, Christmas lights, the colors of the sky at sunset, the vibrance of a sun that rises each day are not neutral.  Gray is neutral and sometimes, neutrality is the one thing that can offer peace. What an honor it is to appreciate all the colors of the spectrum and yet, at the same time, find the comfort and the warmth of the gray.  

For My Teacher Friends..."Old "Angst" Syne"

 

This afternoon, every teacher that I know, let the school year come to a pause and wished their kids a happy new year and some probably went further to offer, "peace."  Peace.  I can safely say that teachers have felt anything BUT peaceful and although we have persevered and chased after the success we know our students are capable of, some, will remain unsuccessful.  So the old year ends with our heads shaking and our minds reeling about the future of our students during this pandemic.  

What people fail to understand is that teachers have had no peace either.  I can not begin to describe to you the feeling one gets when a student goes missing in action for days, weeks, and no one responds to phone calls or emails or any attempt at the multiple acts of caring displayed by teachers, guidance counselors, adminstration and any one else involved in the educational process.

Christmas is almost here and the one thing that stays with me is, "Please, let these kids enjoy their holiday.  Let them eat, and spend time with family and share whatever attention they can get from their families."  Let them understand the importance of their education and their responsibility to themselves to succeed.  "Getting by" is not good enough.  Skating through was never good enough for your teachers and it should not be good enough for you either.

What the pandemic has taught our children is that communication is not necessary.  They are so wrong about that.  Teachers are NOT mind readers and it is absolutely impossible to help any of our "kids" if they do not acknowledge that they need help. And...they do most certainly do.  The majority are rising to the challenge but teachers are definitely worried about those who are MIA.  We are left feeling powerless and unable to do the job for those kids that remain helpless. "Kids, your teachers are there for you.  We signed up for the help and the love you need but do not know you need."  How we all wish you would recognize this.

Since March of 2020, along with every front line worker in this country, teachers have been trying to manuver their way through the politics of common sense and health mandates that do in fact save lives.  They plan, they execute their lessons with every advantage they can give to each student, only to find the lessons not being done or for that matter, acknowledged.  We will NOT give up on you.  We will NOT accept giving up. That is not what we were trained to do.  You will have to accept that.  

With the winter break now here, I hope you will take the break you need...that we all need and reflect on the care and love that your teachers have for you.  Your world has been turned upside down and so has ours.  Perhaps we can find a common ground in that fact and rise.  Rise to be better.  Rise to be a contribution to the world you now live.  It is all there waiting for you.  BUT...you have to see it and you have to make it your own.  

None of us were prepared for the isolation and the anxiety of this period in our history.  It is those things however, that make us sustain our moral and ethical codes.  We will heal.  We will never look at the world or each other same and hopefully, we become better. 

"The Gifts That Keep On Giving"

 

“It is a fair, even-handed, noble adjustment of things, that while there is infection in disease and sorrow, there is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humour.”
― Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol

     I have to admit that I am not necessarily putting a great deal of importance of Christmas this year but as I look out at the snow and birds feasting from the bird feeder outside, I am much more grateful than I have ever been.  We have to be careful when we say things like, "Thank God 2020 is almost behind us."  Given what the year has shown us, I am less inclined to wish away my days on earth.  They are going by fast enough and although this year has been incredibly difficult on so many levels, I will not wish my days away.  

     But Christmas is almost here and there are gifts that "keep on giving."  I am taking a slight pause to mention a few here:

• A dishwasher -  I am grateful for our dishwasher.  Being home each and every day since last March has made me REALLY grateful for the increasing number of dishes we go through because, well, we are cooking more!

• A washer and dryer - Yep, I have not worn out my sweats and sweatshirts...yet.  The rest of my clothes stay tucked in our closet waiting to be freed for the social activity that they once called for on a daily basis.  They still fit too!  

• The oven - There is nothing sexier than a man and a woman who can cook.  When neither King nor I feel like cooking and when that happens we are grateful for a fridge of leftovers or the take out from our favortie restaurants.  

• The bath tub - Let me just say for the record, that I can pretty much do without a great deal but the tub is clearly the single most essential therapy avaiable to us during this pandemic.  Epsom salt, baking soda and a loofah are essential to keeping our sanity...that,  and People magazine and hot water.  I am grateful for heat and hot water.  An occasional snack doesn't hurt either!  The company of our two "feline domesticuses" while bathing is also a much appreciated addition.  What can I say?  They like water.

     I am incredibly grateful for all of these things but more importantly, I am grateful for the company I keep.  My husband, my family, my friends, colleagues all have made an incredible impact on my life.  I let them in and they have proven more so each and every day, their courage, their strength and their love.  Without support, without our willingness to lean on each other and support each other we have very little hope.  An act of kindness, a thoughtful word and reaching out to those who pehaps can no longer fend for themselves is the single most important thing we can do for them and for our own salvation.  Every time we give of ourselves, we grow.  

     I have written many times about the gratitude of good health.  Most of us live, but do we pay attention to our bodies?  I recognize that for myself, awareness will be life-long process, pandemic or no pandemic.  Do we take the time to recognize the humor that comes with living with the good and the bad?  The saddest moments of my life have been perpetuated by my inability to accept the ulitmate finality of certain relationships, jobs.  Any life change can not be stopped.  Most change is inevitable.  I believe this is where most of us get into the crisis mode because we are not living in the moment.  When you live in the moment, you are able to problem solve.  You are capable of helping those in need in much more effective way.  I have learned that the hard way.  I can also accept the anger and frustration many carry when their lives are in turmoil or are suffering great pain or loss. Some will harbor the anger and frustration for their entire life. You will not behelpful during those times, if you are not living in the present. 

     The true gifts are the gifts that give us our sight and our ability to listen; that ability to think before we act and when we do, act with kindness. We are unable to prevent time from stopping or from going back to the past.  The trajectory of the past year has made an indelible mark on all of us. If we can let go of the past, then we are left with living one day, one moment at a time.   2021 will be hear soon enough.  

"Old School"

 

For the past fve years, on each and every parent night held at my school, I have told my parents that, "I am old school." When those words first came out of my mouth, I was not exactly sure why I even mentioned that.  In fact, I was actually stunned later, driving home.  "Why would I say that?"

The ride home was indeed a reflective one.  Why the hell would I consider myself "old school?"  I listen to all kinds of music.  I know who "Cardi B" is.  I have rapped in my classroom to my students.  I have even done a physical split on to the floor if one of my kids got the right answer.   "Old school?  Nah....not this woman."  As I kept my relentless questioning, it suddenly came to me like a bolt of electricity.  I was raised "old school."  The definition is as follows:

• Old school means that you have respect for adults in positions of authority and for colleagues.
• Old school means kindness and that you embrace those who may not want your help but you give it anyway.
• Old school means you have respect for a difference in opinion.  That does NOT mean you lose your own trajectory.  It simply means that no matter what another person thinks or believes, you must respect their right to have it. As long as...no harm is being done.  If there is harm. then that is entirely another outcome.  "Do no harm."  That is what being "old school" means to me.
• Old school means that you are willing to listen.  Listening or a lack there of can ruin any relationship.  It can ruin a friendship, a marriage, or a relationship with a colleague.
• Old school means when you leave the house every day, you are cognizant of the name you carry.   Your last name means everything.  Your first name means everything too. But it is your last name that people will remember...the good, the bad, and the ridiculous.
• Old school means that you adopted the rules and the morality of your parents. "Old schoolers" know what the expectations are.  They were spelled out from the time you could walk. "Old school" means integrity. 

If being "old school" means I am getting elderly and persnickety then so be it.  My heart is in the right place, even when I question where other people's hearts are.  I can live with that now.  I used to question every outcome, every behavior of the people around me.  It would make me feel a very real anxiety that was hard to overcome.  Now, I force myself, my "old school" self to let the initial reactions go.  The real truth surfaces with time.  This is where you find peace.  If I am in fact "old school" now, then I am definitely resigned to the fact that although there are always family indescrepancies, I am "old school" for all of the right reasons.  Embrace being "old school."  It works for most of us or at least it would be wonderful if it did.  Some of us have a long way to go and it is my hope that the idea of "old school" becomes fashionable again because it works for the betterment of a civilized society, one that is based on respect and fairness.  Being "old school" promotes progress.