On July 11th, 2003, I became blindsided. I was 42 at the time and had completely made peace with the idea of being a single woman for the rest of life. In fact, after years of lamenting about not having a mate, I was suddenly feeling lucky after watching many divorce. On a wedding day, I would be envious. I would be happy for the couple of course but as the divorces started happening, I was grateful to have built the life I had. No more lamenting, no more regrets. That all changed on July 11th, 2003. I was begged to go to a singles dance by a good friend. I told her, "I'd rather stick needles in my eyes than go." I went because she needed the company. Everything changed that night. Five years later, I became a "Mrs." Who the hell knew?
Life changes in a heartbeat folks. You think you have it all figured out. You make resolutions with yourself that your life is on a separate trajectory than anyone else's. I was so very wrong. That night, on July 11th, I looked into John King's eyes and suddenly everything made sense. He rescued me from having to dance with a 200 pound butcher from Hannaford's. That's where the gratitude began. On July 11th, 2008, we married on a beach in Jamaica. I was 47 at the time and the idea of a church wedding, dressed in white didn't match this dream. A ten day vacation with King did. Now...we did have a celebration upon our return with family and friends. My dream was continuing.
What I didn't realize was that with each anniversary, and there have been 18 anniversaries now, and along with that comes a huge devotion towards each other. This is what happens in a marriage. It's the good, the bad and the ugly and there are no guarantees how long any of those situatons last. Love makes you see them through to next challenge, the next "ride on the rollercoaster." There has to be love. There has to be committment and you must talk with one another. Communication is tough, particulalry when you are being pulled to too many directions. See, none of us are perfect. Living with a partner means accepting that they're not perfect and neither are we. Expecting perfection doesn't work. Marriages have to have growth spurts. Marriages have to have "Aha!" moments. You also have to figure out when your priorities matter and when theirs does. It's called keeping and accepting the other's individuality. Marriages have to create a safe place for each other and also leave room for error. Marriage gives us a long journey to uphold. Strength is needed and so is patience.
Marriages are about creating a bond what is needed by the two partners. None us need to be alone. We just have to be patient and you will know that feeling when it comes. It's not complete and total fairytale but it can offer happily ever afters if we keep our trust and our faith in our partners. This is how marriages last.
