Life...Living. If you are in your 50's or past your 60's you realiize that our lives are not a continual "cake-walk." I have been wondering if any of us were prepared for the barrage of twists and turns that surface and if you live long enough, they surface! Sadly, there are those who experience and witness the difficulties while they are young and that has always broke my heart. We try to protect our young but this is often difficult because as they grow up, they need to make their own decisions and work through the consequences.
I vividly remember the day I graduated from college. I received a bachelor's degree in journalism. My first job was working for a local newspaper and made five dollars an hour...with a bachelor's. I believe I made more when I left the bakery at the supermarket while in college. Regardless, we follow our passions and we learn. Or...we should learn. Sadly, I did not. I am in my 60's and it's only now that we learn through the trials and the difficulties. There are always difficulties and no one can fully be prepared for the future. This is why living in the "present" matters. I did not realize that years ago. I was contiually thinking about the future. I was always worrying about the future and truthfully, who wouldn't on five bucks an hour. I found a new job writing, making 10 bucks an hour. Progress and yet, I still worried. My head was still in the future. What was also disappointing is I went to college and got an education because that was the expectation. We assume that a college education opens doors to our comfort. This is fairly true in most cases but in my case it wasn't. I had more work to do. I needed to open more doors.
Living in the present matters. It keeps our focus. It keeps us sane. It keeps us calm. No one can teach this to you except your own personal experience. Once we understand this, we can evolve and we can grow further into the person we are supposed to be and NOT what others believe we are supposed to be. We grasp the freedom to make decisions for our own well-being and not for anyone else. Having said all of this, it is still difficult. We don't want to disappoint anyone and we don't want confrontations, particularly if we care what our loved ones think. We have to evolve anyway in spite of those emotions. Those emotions are real and at times scary. They are scarier no matter what age we are.
I did go back to school, yet again, and obtained a license to teach English in New York State, grades 7-12. I could NOT find full-time employment. No one was hiring me. I did not know why. It was not until I retired recently, that I realized how many years I spent spinning my wheels. Worrying about the "next move." I had to make money to support myself. I needed to be on my own prove to those I loved that I was capable. I went to corporate America. I worked for IBM. IBM gave me so many more alternatives and without my even knowing, taught me the behaviors and gave me the experiences I needed. IBM gave me the courage and the taught me I could go further in my education, get a master's degree and become a teacher. I graduated with honors. I grew up. That was "the sign" I needed It's interesting how when I look back 20 plus years ago. My world evolved because I was finally making the right decisions. I met "the King." He believed in what I was doing. He witnessed my dilgence. He saw the trust. In my first year of teaching permanently, we married. The doors open when we stop worrying. Now, admittingly, that is a temporary phase because the bliss is not permanently guaranteed for anyone.
Challenges surface whether we expect them or not. The only thing that matters is that we give everything time to balance out and eventually everything does. Patience becomes life's metaphor. A difficult lesson indeed becomes necessary. None of this evolution happens overnight. Sometimes we slip and fall backwards. We get up and we lick out wounds. We hobble around and stumble around until we regain our balance. If we are patient enough the balance returns...until we stumble again. It's our life. It's our destiny.
No comments:
Post a Comment