"The wiser mind mourns less for what age takes away than what it leaves behind."
- William Wordsworth
- William Wordsworth
There is an old saying that goes "Wisdom is wasted on the aged." There is no better time than the holidays to reflect that that phrase is true. Christmas day was everything it should be for my family. My sister made an incredible rib roast just like Mom would make year after year. My other sister made a phenomenal salmon. And there was my mother...like many many Christmases before, sitting at the head of the table, now in a wheelchair but looking so satisfied, proud as everyone bantered back and forth, teasing each other and well, eating...There would be no sadness and anger with her situation today. I will never forget our time in the car.
Mom resides at one of the best nursing homes in the area. They take better care of her than any of us ever could. For the holidays, we travel back and forth with Mom and her wheelchair. Yesterday was my turn and I was a nervous wreck, hoping I could manage the transportation without incident. When I showed up to pick her up, Mom was overjoyed. "I'm springing ya Ma. Let's go!" I said. It turned out, we managed fine as the security guard helped me get the wheelchair into the back of the car. What an angel.
Aging brings dementia, immobility, hearing loss and more wisdom than I thought was possible as Mom and I drove to sister's. "What a beautiful day it is today! No snow." Mom said. "Where are we?" All of sudden, I was transported to a similar conversation I had had with Mom when I was four. "Where we going Ma? How much longer?" It was daunting how the roles have changed over the past ten years. I never felt ready. Maybe no one really does.
Mom asked me about King. "I miss my husband," she said looking out the car window. I never heard such words of love growing up. I was grateful I started to think that at 94, maybe Pop was gingerly calling for her. It was a gift to hear those words. With age comes wisdom. We always want what we no longer have. In the case of Mom, there were regrets, thoughts of love and longing.
"How is school?" I didn't know how to answer this because lately, I have lost my timing, and my patience with my kids. Winter break nearly "broke" everyone at school I feel. "I wanted you all educated," Mom said. "I should have finished college. I insisted you all get degrees and careers. I set a standard. Kids need standards." I didn't know what to say to that. She was right but how do you do that with 126 kids? More than half of them go home to no structure. No standards. No boundaries. "You're a good teacher Claude," she said. We got to my sister's and the joy began.
On the way home, Mom was so grateful for my driving her. I rolled her to her area and found the nurse to let her know Mom was back. Ma hugged me as hard as she was able. "I love you Claude." "Oh Ma," I held back tears. "I love you too. Merry Christmas." I hugged her again and left. Walking the long, long hallways, fighting back the tears. Mom was safe, and happy and grateful. As we age, I can only hope to feel that way when every other memory we have might be fading. I want to remember the loving feelings. There may have been regrets on my mother's part but along with that came her generation's sense of duty and responsibility. That was handed down to my sisters and I. As long as Mom realized that, which she did, then hopefully, we are on our way to a peaceful aging process.
Mom asked me about King. "I miss my husband," she said looking out the car window. I never heard such words of love growing up. I was grateful I started to think that at 94, maybe Pop was gingerly calling for her. It was a gift to hear those words. With age comes wisdom. We always want what we no longer have. In the case of Mom, there were regrets, thoughts of love and longing.
"How is school?" I didn't know how to answer this because lately, I have lost my timing, and my patience with my kids. Winter break nearly "broke" everyone at school I feel. "I wanted you all educated," Mom said. "I should have finished college. I insisted you all get degrees and careers. I set a standard. Kids need standards." I didn't know what to say to that. She was right but how do you do that with 126 kids? More than half of them go home to no structure. No standards. No boundaries. "You're a good teacher Claude," she said. We got to my sister's and the joy began.
On the way home, Mom was so grateful for my driving her. I rolled her to her area and found the nurse to let her know Mom was back. Ma hugged me as hard as she was able. "I love you Claude." "Oh Ma," I held back tears. "I love you too. Merry Christmas." I hugged her again and left. Walking the long, long hallways, fighting back the tears. Mom was safe, and happy and grateful. As we age, I can only hope to feel that way when every other memory we have might be fading. I want to remember the loving feelings. There may have been regrets on my mother's part but along with that came her generation's sense of duty and responsibility. That was handed down to my sisters and I. As long as Mom realized that, which she did, then hopefully, we are on our way to a peaceful aging process.
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