"You always have two choices: your commitment versus your fear." - Sammy Davis Jr.
Dramatic irony. When an audience or reader knows something that the character in a movie or book does not. We all live with an element of dramatic irony. None of us knows when a legitimate fear may come towards us and if that's true, knowing how to handle those fears becomes next to impossible. Oh how it be so much easier if we could be warned.
I can think of many times throughout my life when I was incredibly fearful of someone or a situation. As a kid, I was definitely afraid of my parents. I was afraid of this kid who bullied me on the school bus. I was afraid of my math teacher in seventh grade. He was a very, VERY tall man. I saw him reprimand a kid in the hallway and boy, I wouldn't have wanted to be that kid for all the tea in China. I was afraid of not understanding what I was being taught. The harder something was for me to learn, the more fearful I became.
I've been afraid of how others perceive my intentions. First impressions, the first day of a new job, a first date, first kiss, a last date, fear permeates all of those instances. We survive. We even grow to appreciate them and look back on those firsts with fondness and yes, even love.
Marriage is scary. I don't care what anyone thinks. Vows exchanged mean a partnership has to ensue. There will undoubtedly be "better or worse." The upside to this is with the right partner, you witness loyalty, vulnerability, and trust that no one else that came along was going to provide.
I've been fearful of change. The first day of college was terribly fearful. The day I graduated from college, terrifying. Graduating, meant I had to move forward and find a job. The first time we experience the death of a loved one perpetuates so much change. We understand that we are not invincible. Loss can make us refocus and jump into the world with both feet. But it's the fear above all that catapults us to change. We will not live forever and that we had better make damn sure we approach each day with a gratitude that we have another day.
Then there are the "What ifs..." of fear. We overthink. We don't want to disappoint those we love or ourselves by a failure so that fear alone prevents us from a necessary movement. If we can manage to make a change and ignore the "What ifs," we often find out that although the move or change is extremely difficult, we come out having learned a great deal. When we come out the other side, we have more to offer not only to ourselves but to others.
If we think about each and every time we've been fearful, we realize that we are no different than the person sitting next to us. We find, if given the opportunity, that the very people we argue with or have a problem with, are just as fearful as we are. Perhaps if we focused more on accepting the idea that humans by their very nature experiene fear (or the fight or flight behaviors) and admitting them, we would be willing to accept the differences in others, and find the common ground. We would in fact be less quick to judge and have a more accepting society. I find myself thinking about this each and every time I find myself disliking someone or I find myself getting angry with someone's behavior. They have fears. I have fears. I then walk away and find my peace.
Marriage is scary. I don't care what anyone thinks. Vows exchanged mean a partnership has to ensue. There will undoubtedly be "better or worse." The upside to this is with the right partner, you witness loyalty, vulnerability, and trust that no one else that came along was going to provide.
I've been fearful of change. The first day of college was terribly fearful. The day I graduated from college, terrifying. Graduating, meant I had to move forward and find a job. The first time we experience the death of a loved one perpetuates so much change. We understand that we are not invincible. Loss can make us refocus and jump into the world with both feet. But it's the fear above all that catapults us to change. We will not live forever and that we had better make damn sure we approach each day with a gratitude that we have another day.
Then there are the "What ifs..." of fear. We overthink. We don't want to disappoint those we love or ourselves by a failure so that fear alone prevents us from a necessary movement. If we can manage to make a change and ignore the "What ifs," we often find out that although the move or change is extremely difficult, we come out having learned a great deal. When we come out the other side, we have more to offer not only to ourselves but to others.
If we think about each and every time we've been fearful, we realize that we are no different than the person sitting next to us. We find, if given the opportunity, that the very people we argue with or have a problem with, are just as fearful as we are. Perhaps if we focused more on accepting the idea that humans by their very nature experiene fear (or the fight or flight behaviors) and admitting them, we would be willing to accept the differences in others, and find the common ground. We would in fact be less quick to judge and have a more accepting society. I find myself thinking about this each and every time I find myself disliking someone or I find myself getting angry with someone's behavior. They have fears. I have fears. I then walk away and find my peace.
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