"Curve balls-Thank you body" Part Two

"We all have big changes in our lives that are more or less a second chance." - Harrison Ford

There is an old familiar saying from the musical "MAME"  that goes, "Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death."  I love that line because, this is the trap we fall into at times.  We forget we are at a banquet.  Everything we need to sustain ourselves and keep ourselves nurtured and content is either next to us or near us.  Since this is true, why are we often afraid to eat?

I was given a second chance recently and I'm still trying to figure out what to do with all of this new information I've been handed. I am still in recovery, processing what it means to have been living all this time, but NOT really appreciating it.  This has been a bitter pill to swallow.   You see,  On July 9th, I lost my sight in my right eye.  It happened that quick. There were fireworks, literally, and then partial vision.  My ophthalmologist sent me to a retina specialist.  Next thing I knew, I was sent to Sloan Kettering Cancer Center in New York City to a oncologist who specializes in eye cancers. They needed to rule our cancer and/or a tumor. "A WHAT????  REALLY????"  It all happened that quickly...in the blink of an eye...my vision of my world changed.

Society doesn't appreciate nor acknowledge our weaknesses.  But this is what I have recently found out...strengths and weaknesses are shared by the entire human race. Our weaknesses make us better people.   As I acknowledge mine, I am reassured that the rest of the human race is dealing with theirs.  I realized that focusing on my health, my happiness, my well-being is the single most important thing any of us can give ourselves and it's difficult to do when your heart and your soul leave you open and available to any one who needs you.  

Ma, at age 88, has expressed to me that one thing we can be assured of is that we will not live forever.  It's a crap shoot.  It's destiny.  At Sloan Kettering, I got a clean bill of health.  It was not cancer.  It was not a tumor.  I clutched my husband outside of Dr. Marr's office at Sloan Kettering and cried... and I breathed.  I really breathed.  I realized that although Ma is right, it's what we do with our time here that is important.  Are we going to vegetate or are we going to put ourselves first and not be afraid to make the changes we need to make not because we want to please anyone, but because we want to live a more authentic life.  

This past week, I chose.  I chose authentic.  We live in a society where we broadcast our imperfections, our problems and yes, our weaknesses.  Just watch television and you will see story after story of our human imperfections.  The fact remains however, that we still have to live with ourselves.  What we do, how we do it, is our decision and our personal business, no one else's.  I dodged a huge bullet this past week.  But I still have to figure out what happens to the gun.  I learned that although, age will bring challenges, it can bring truth.  I will chose truth over anything else.  I choose my life, my world, because that is good enough.  My code of conduct works for me.  It's brought me love, happiness, pain and sorrow.  This is an authentic life and it is good enough for me.